Excess of Rodents

[mistersandman]

It is said that in suburbia, a rabbit will devour your garden, a groundhog will devour your garden, and a deer will devour your garden. But only in the case of the deer--and this has been true in suburbia since the founding of Levittown--will your dog not chase the perpetrator to its home and munch upon its children in retaliation.

~Chester A. Arthur

And it just so happens that two out of three days this month have been associated with the groundhog and rabbit, respectively. I've never had much love for either creature, which I suspect is a defense mechanism I developed as a child after seeing the torn remains of the wee beasties scattered across my backyard after dear departed Topaz was through with them.

The rodent gods have taken note of my callow blasphemy and have responded in kind. That jagoff Puxatony Phil said spring would come early and Pittsburgh gets slammed with bitterly cold winds and snow not hours later. Now it's the Year of the Rabbit and I'm not looking forward to a whole year of this bullshit. Even my horoscope knows I'm in for a karmic asskicking: "If you are born in the Year of the Snake take extra care this year on your health and investments."

Geez. I'm surprised they didn't give me the address of a good funeral home or a cheap notary for my last will and testament. The only way I can think of to accrue existential merit is to play Learn From Lei Feng. Alas, I cannot find a copy for sale, but I remain hopeful that some worthy comrade will take pity on me and show me the way. Perhaps there I will encounter the legendary 卯泽东 and be absolved.

Boom. A little bit of Chinese language humor for you.